Quel Douleur- Guest Post by Swati Tanwar

The first-ever guest post on my blog. I feel happy! 

Swati contacted me for she wanted to pen down her emotions and pour her heart out through writing. It made her feel better. :)

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Well I don’t think it’s a good idea to guest blog here by writing about my disappointing life! But may be there are others out there with a similar situation, and knowing that I am not the only one, might make me feel better. So it's nothing but an attempt to make myself feel better. 

I am living a good life; I am working in one of the best schools, drawing handsome salary, and have a loving and happy family. I am pursing my passion which is dance as I am learning “Jazz”. But still there is some unhappiness and disappointment in my life. May be, I am too ambitious. Being ambitious isn’t always a good thing, you know.

I am a travel freak but unfortunately I belong to a very conventional family where my parents never allowed me to travel with my friends. Now, years later, when I have grown up and by great effort made my parents understand how much I love travelling; I decided to go to Manali. However, none of my female friends were keen on indulging into something adventurous and one by one they all refused to go. My male friends were ready to tag along but having been born and brought-up in a conventional Indian set-up, travelling with ‘boys’  was a big, no-no. Unfortunately, I had to cancel everythingL .

Now again, I had long harboured a dream of travelling to Europe. From the past two years I had been trying hard to make that happen but unfortunately nothing seemed to work. And you what hurts you the most? It’s when someone you know well is going to live the dream that you have dreamt of all your life. It’s so painful. I have decided that I am not going to give it another try. Yet another wounding thing, yes I am giving up on that dream. I dreamt, felt broken, and shed tears; but not anymore.  Long-time back I read in a book (Alchemist), “If something has to happen, will happen in one go” or else “if something happened twice, for sure it will happen trice”.

Cancelling the much needed Manli trip, watching someone living my dream and the worst giving up on that dream forever, is so disheartening.

Well I should call all this “my life”, I never get what I really want. A lot of times, I did manage to get things that I never asked for, but deserved. But this time, it feels like an end.

I am sure it’s not. I am sure there is more to it. I am sure something good might come out of it, eventually. I am sure God will give will give me chances to see his marvelously created world. But this wait, I tell you, is painful.