Monday, 16 January 2017

The Perfect Love

Gaganpreet Singh Photography

I changed. 
I changed not just because I love you.
But also because I wanted you to love me.
And I changed.

I changed the way I slept like a free bird
with my arms spread on both sides like wings
as if I was going to take a flight in my dreams, 
and now I sleep all lady-like with my arms sometimes around you,
or around my own body for the fear of being judged 
for being too confident to be loved.
You wanted to pamper the vulnerable me, 
I became one for I wanted to be loved.
And I changed. 

I changed the way my hair would always be a messy bun, 
Now I arrange my tresses every time I step out to see you
for you wouldn't want to be around the mess that I was.
I make sure the bun was perfect and that I wouldn’t look like I
a teen that just got out of the bed
you wanted me to be a lady, and I became one.   
I changed. 

I changed the way I'd spend lazy weekends on my bed
emptying tea mugs, reading books, and scribbling my heart out on papers
and occasionally on walls or canvases.
I now have a razor in my hand and an epilator in the other
because last time you touched me,
and murmured into my ears that my arm feels like that of a man's arm. I
dug my head into the pillow and sobbed but
then I thought it was normal of you to be asking for a chiseled skin,
the way I ask for a little stubble on your face, sometimes, may be? or may be not.
I changed.

I changed the way I’d talk in public.
My voice became softer and I almost stopped
laughing my heart out because that’s what teens do,
I was becoming a woman and women behave well in public,
they look interested even if they aren't, and 
they indulge in meaningful conversations, 

I changed a bit every day,
the voice, the hair, the sleep, my friends,
the songs I heard, the films I watched 
and all my pass-times,
I altered them.
I changed to fit into your image of perfect love

I’ve become someone I’d never known before.

am I, now, your perfect love?

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