All the time.

little love note from a wall clock to a tube light

They want you when the sun it out,
but when I look at you it’s
as if you’re the only sun out there
If you say it once,
I will try to stop the time for you,
even though it would mean ruining myself,
I want you to be standing right there, all the time
Stand there, right there, where I can see you,
Do not flicker, I beg of you
that makes my heart sink into my stomach,
my hands shiver,
I lose track of time,
and I struggle to break free
from this vicious circle of day and night,
seconds after seconds slapping me on my face
hours after hours following the same pace.
Do not flicker,
They may find another you, and brighten their lives
for them it’ll be all the same, they wouldn’t even notice
But for me, time would stop right there.

Today, when I still have time,
I just wanted you to know,
I tick-tock you!

The Perfect Love

Gaganpreet Singh Photography

I changed. 

I changed not just because I love you.

But also because I wanted you to love me.

And I changed.

I changed the way I slept like a free bird

with my arms spread on both sides like wings

as if I was going to take a flight in my dreams, 

and now I sleep all lady-like with my arms sometimes around you,

or around my own body for the fear of being judged 

for being too confident to be loved.

You wanted to pamper the vulnerable me, 

I became one for I wanted to be loved.

And I changed. 

I changed the way my hair would always be a messy bun, 

Now I arrange my tresses every time I step out to see you

for you wouldn't want to be around the mess that I was.
I make sure the bun was perfect and that I wouldn’t look like I
a teen that just got out of the bed
you wanted me to be a lady, and I became one.   

I changed. 

I changed the way I'd spend lazy weekends on my bed

emptying tea mugs, reading books, and scribbling my heart out on papers
and occasionally on walls or canvases.

I now have a razor in my hand and an epilator in the other

because last time you touched me,

and murmured into my ears that my arm feels like that of a man's arm. I

dug my head into the pillow and sobbed but

then I thought it was normal of you to be asking for a chiseled skin,

the way I ask for a little stubble on your face, sometimes, may be? or may be not.
I changed.

I changed the way I’d talk in public.
My voice became softer and I almost stopped
laughing my heart out because that’s what teens do,
I was becoming a woman and women behave well in public,
they look interested even if they aren't, and 

they indulge in meaningful conversations, 

I changed a bit every day,

the voice, the hair, the sleep, my friends,

the songs I heard, the films I watched 

and all my pass-times,
I altered them.
I changed to fit into your image of perfect love

I’ve become someone I’d never known before.

am I, now, your perfect love?

इंतज़ार

Photo by Gaganpreet Singh © 

उस सहर से इस सहर तक
कुछ बदला ही नहीं,

फ़ोन की बीप अब भी किसी एक मैसेज की उम्मीद जगा देती है,
दरवाज़े पे कोई आहट, चाय की केतली गैस पर रखवा देती है,
क्योंकि ठंडी चाय तो तुम्हें भाती ही नहीं
तुम्हारे लौटने की उम्मीद कम है, कहते हैं वो...
पर इंतज़ार की आदत भी तो तुमने ही डाली थी,

सोचती हूँ,
किसी दिन,
बस यूँही
हमेशा की तरह,
मेरे भीगे बालों पर अपनी उंगलियां फिराने चले आओगे,
अपनी डायरी में सोई शायरी को मुझसे फिर से मिलवाने चले आओगे,
सोचती हूँ,
कोई तो गिला ज़रूर होगा,
के अब तक मुह फुलाए बैठे हो,
शायद बस उसे ही जताने चले आओगे,
फ्रांस और भारत इतनी दूर भी नही.
सोचती हूँ.
अब भी सोचती हूँ


उस शहर से इस शहर तक,
कुछ बदला ही नहीं 

Lost III

Right? Left?

or in the middle?

I stop. Look around.

Grab a hand and walk.

Take me home, will you?

I am lost.

I am lost.

Serve me love.

Sing me songs.

Lend me thy ears

Keep the lights on

Stay by my side, will you?

I can’t sleep.

I am lost

Kiss and hug

Caress and touch

Let me laugh

or Let me cry, will you?

I can’t feel.

I am lost. 

LOST II

LOST I

#Littlelovenotes

We were like two birds that were brought together by rain. Tired of flying, we sat on a branch. We sang love songs. It was a different kind of love. We loved saying lovely things to each other. We also loved doing lovely things to each other. And it was just that. Time passed. Another rain came, and we left the branch for another shelter, elsewhere. Some more time passed. We soon came back to the old branch. We exchanged smiles, and ignored the change in them. Tired of the language, and the cycle of communication and miscommunication, we preferred keeping silent. We fell out of love and it was a different kind of ‘falling out of love’. We decided to stay on the same branch and sing the same old love songs. We were, however, scared of saying lovely things to each other, and we feared more than ever, doing lovely things to each other. 

...

दिन के ढलते ही एक याद भी आ जाती है 
दबे पाँव 
दरीचे होते दिल के तो कुछ देर हम भी बंद लेते

Lost II

Hold hands?
no leave the hand,
because holding hands
suffocates,
I lose track of the road
and I am forced to
walk on the one
you take me to
Don’t ask me for the last ride together
I won’t hold hands

Kiss?
No I won’t kiss
Kissing suffocates
I lose track of
time and space
and enter into a world that
doesn’t exist
don’t make me immortal with a kiss
I won’t kiss

Think?
No I won’t think,
thinking maddens,
it hampers and destroys the beauty
of the unknown
it kills the essence
of the surprise.
I can’t think now
I will think about it tomorrow.

Fly?
Yes I will fly,
fly to a different land
because flying liberates
I will fly from the known to the unknown
I’ll stick around for some time
only to take another flight
I will fly.

Lost

I am lost
Lost the way,
We're lost between
faces known and unknown
I smile, I cry, I shout, 
No one hears
I can't hear myself either.
Eyes up, eyes down, eyes rolling, eyes blurred
I see many
But I don't really see any
I am lost
Lost the way you're lost in a web of thoughts,
thoughts about the past, present and the future,
thoughts about the thoughts that I thought were long forgotten
thoughts about what is thought, who thinks, and why
Long thoughts, and short thoughts
thoughts that matter,
and the ones that don't matter,
shouldn't matter,
I am lost in what you conceive of me, and what I am, and what you've made of me

I am lost.
Lost the way you're lost in middle of a conversation
conversations that are cut short
and the ones that don't end
conversations that are all the same
since ages
conversations that do not have beginnings, middles or ends
conversations that lead nowhere,

I am lost
Lost the way you're lost in a moment,
a moment that is a mis of several other moments
a moment that may or may not lead to another moment
a moment that is just another moment
a moment that promises but doesn't return as much
I am lost.

I am lost but wait for me,
Wait the way you wait for a kid that forgets the way to home.
Wait, the way you wait for a letter,
that has long been sent through the post
Wait, and just wait.
I'll be home soon.

breakfree

I create, re-create, destroy
ideas in my mind.
You existed
and you exist no more

#Littlelovenotes

Sometimes with sleepy eyes, 
other times, in sleeplessness
thinking of you,
I try,
not to think of you.

#Littlelovenotes

It was one of their late night conversations and she playfully asked him, 
"do you miss me?" 
He reverted in his usual calm, 
"Do you miss the night when it's day?
Do you miss sunshine when there's none?
Well then let me put it this way,
That within us we're always one"

#ParisPoetry

There are things that will always bring me back to you. 
A wine glass, a river, a night full of stars, 
the moon, and the mountains. 
Know that you're always on my mind. 
I may or may not succeed 
in giving you the place you deserve but you exist.
Somewhere in the dizzy consciousness of my unconscious mind,
you take shape, everyday. 
Sometimes, its just a matter of some time.

15 October 2015
RER station, Paris